One Thing Growing Up In A Dysfunctional Home Taught Me

Our life experiences have a way of shaping our mindsets and expectations out of life.

Especially childhood experiences.

You know I ain’t kidding when it’s proven that women with Daddy issues seem to always fall for the wrong men (even though you’d think they would know better)

It's also proven that "Like Father, Like Son" isn't a cliché or a myth.

I don’t know if we inherit our parent’s flaws or bad choices. Or it’s the constant exposure that shapes us and no matter how hard we run from turning out the way they did, we sometimes make those exact wrong choices too.

Pst! I don't know what I'm saying. I'm not a psychologist.

Growing up was hard emotionally and mentally.

I lived in a bubble - a perfect world I created in my head. So, I endured the hurt and pain with a loud cheer, a vibrant personality and a sanguine temparement.

I had my safe space where no one could reach me. My happy, perfect and ideal world was wrapped up in my head.

I'm not going to go into details of my childhood but it wasn't all bad. Just a hugely misunderstood kid who thought she deserved better.

In the midst of the dysfunction, I realized something profound. Thinking back at how early I realized this, maybe my IQ should be in the genius range because I was really young when I realized this truth which has now become one of my value for life (haha, who am I kidding? I’m no genius!)

"Those ideas I dream up aren’t fantasy. That’s the way things are meant to be. I may not have it now but I’m not going to stop till I do. Till I have it the right way. I’m going to work this out.”

If you think I'm talking about marriage or relationship choices here, you've got it all wrong.

I was talking about my state of mind. As a child, I was so sad yet so happy. I'm not trying to sound like one of those people who say weird stuff like that.

Here's what I mean:

A child wasn’t supposed to have worries. The happy hormones flooding a child’s mind is always there no matter what. That’s why a kid would have dinner, play with her toy after they’ve just been told that mommy has gone to heaven with the angels. Kids don’t get concerned about money, bills and work pressure. So, they are free from the vicissitudes of life. So, I was happy.

But a child is also aware of when things aren’t going good. They feel hurt, pain and sadness as much as adults do. I think they come with a discerning tool to know when an environment isn’t right for them. They even show heightened sad emotions - they think they are scarred for life. (At least I thought) So, I was sad.

As a teenager, I associated with the #wearealldamaged #weareallbroken crowd to further prove that I was scarred. My poems showed it, my sad eyes wore it all day.

Growing up in such an unconventional background taught me that I'm not crazy. This cognitive awareness fuels my drive today. It fuels me to follow my dreams until #adebolaissagoal

It builds in me fortitude when life hits hard again, again and over again. I use the healing process of yesterday to find that of today.

While I'm still healing, I'm conscious of what I learnt.

Now, am I grateful for growing up in a dysfunctional home?

Sometimes, I don't know.