2023: My People Year
All the good things that happened to me this year came in form of people. Some of them I’ve known all my life, others were rekindled friendships, and a few I’d just met this year.
This year could have been worse for me and no, it’s not just because of my breakup (I really thought I was going to die😂😂. Don’t judge me. I was having my first breakup at 29). There were many other things that shook my entire worldview, and the things I always wanted. I visited the hospital the most this year. I’d never been sick like I’d been this year. There were times I was in so much pain that I thought I’d die. There were also times in this year that I can’t account for; everything was so bleak and nothing was happening. I was just “alive” not living. I guess that’s “adulthood”.
All through these many downs; there were moments that sparked joy and immense gratitude. They were like cracks through a broken, beat-down wall. I naturally thought these cracks would only attract slimy rodents and funny lizards but somehow, people filled it up and I’m almost all sealed up, not like Frankenstein but like those beautifully-mended, broken Japanese teacups.
The People I Met This Year Who Changed My Life
Anita Soft Baby
This is how her name is stored on her phone because the first time I had her speak, it was the softest yet sternest voice I’ve ever heard.
Anita is the woman who met me and loved me instantly. There’s something about instant love from a woman who sees you how you don’t even see yourself. She came into my life and loved me in a way that first scared me. I asked her multiple times “why do you love me like this” and she’ll say because “you’re light. There’s something about you Debola that radiates in a way that brings light into peoples lives.” She’s probably the only person that I don’t cringe when she texts me “I’m in your city”. I told her she’s my hero because this is how she is with all the people in her life. This woman speaks over my life. She sends me random messages that change the color of my gloomy days. She sends me gifts. She spends her money on me and she’s probably the most balanced emotionally intelligent person I know. She loves love but she’s big on boundaries. She’ll ask the tough questions and have the hard conversations. She inspired me so much this year and I don’t even know how my life will be like without her.
Thank you my soft baby for coming into my life and changing everything.
A*
I met him on Bumble. After my breakup, my bestie who’s also my namesake said I needed to meet people and go on dates. My therapist said the same. And I said, why not?
I got on there and I got a lot of matches. I remember swiping right on A because he said he loved plantain so much that he eats it almost everyday. I chatted him to let him know there was a Dodo Festival happening in the coming week. We talked all week. Nothing too serious. Nothing too deep. Just checks and cute media exchanges. He was going to fly back to Nigeria the day before the Dodo Festival. We met that Sunday but not at the Dodo Festival (it was lame). We met at a Photography Exhibition. With my other friends. We talked and laughed. I was laughing so hard that Debola asked how funny he must have been. Then he asked me on a proper date two days after. He took me bowling and trashed the living day out of me. And from there, I just knew I was in for a good time. And what a time we had. A super busy man who still always makes time to date me, drive me, play with me and spend money on me. I have been such a passenger princess since I met A. Unlike when Debola drives me around, always telling me not to eat in his car or put my feet up. One major thing that A did for me was feeling again. I felt stuff I thought I wouldn’t feel again. Slow your roll! I’m not talking about love. I’m talking about caring about a man, being interested in taking care of him, allowing him take care of me. Things. I sha felt things. Between the time we met and now; we’ve been on 50 dates. But according to him, it’s more than that because every time we go out together, it’s a date.
Thank you, My A, for taking care of me.
The Friendships I Rekindled
Bukunmi
I’ve known Bukunmi since 2010. That’s 13 years. We used to be inseparable. With Bukunmi, I’ve learned that people don’t stop being your people. Life and adulting can create a gap, but if they were your people once; they’ll always be your people. We used to be BFFs when we were teenagers and now we are really good adult friends.
We spent a few months together in the same space and it was pure bliss. Night gossips, some real talks (she has very strong opinions and ideas), movies, food and just lounging. I didn’t know I needed it but it was refreshing for my soul. It was like we took a Friendship Refresher’s Course. I’m glad that she fought hard for her dreams and she ticked some off. It inspired me to get serious with mine. I’d just listen to her talk about work, the future, men of course cos’ why not 😂😂😂 and everything in between. Having Bukunmi around was so good for me. I slyed her a couple of times. I went to events with man instead of with her on some occasions. She para’d for me but we moved on quickly with a warning and laughter. We’d argue about different stuff and we made quick inside jokes.
Thank you Bukunmi for the gift of your friendship.
You’ll notice that there’s no picture here; that’s because I slyed her on ocassions we were supposed to be outside baddies. So we don’t have pictures together from this year.
Folake popularly known as Juice, a.k.a Iyawo Chief
Time is a weird concept. You may have known someone all your life but over the years just see them from afar. Then somehow, some day, over a meme; you see them for real for the very first time. Folake and I are sisters, we are from the same family of God. And you know how you can have a sibling you’re not really close to. Of course, you see, you gist, laugh and take pictures together but there’s nothing there. And time does its thing and you guys just become best friends. To explain the type of friendship Folake and I have is to go on about how Jesus loves. Folake loves Jesus like crazy and loves you almost as crazily. She is the realest, truest and non-judgmental person I know (she’s also very sarcastic though).
She’ll randomly text and be like “Where are you, this girl? I really miss you” and most times, that got me through the day. She’ll send me prayers, Scriptures, confessions. Folake is the only marketing person that never talks marketing with me. It’s always such a relief from all the buzzwords and arguments from the internet. She’s a very successful marketer (she works at Google so durh) but we almost never discuss marketing. She’s just my friend. My sister. She encourages my positive natural proclivities and quickly flag down things that may be a problem in the future.
Thank you, baby, for the countless meaningful conversations and laughters. And prayers and for holding my hand more than you know.
The People I’ve Always Known
These are my loves. Everyday loves. We’ve come a long way and we’re still farther together. Debola moved to London this year and still, we talk everyday. He also sends me money so I make sure to talk to him everyday as a daily reminder to do the needful 😂😂😂. Debola inspired me to live a big life this year but did I hear? No😂😂😂😩😩😩😩
Debola was the one that first discovered that I had stopped dreaming. He was the one that made sure I took breaks from work and life because my mental health showed me shege. He was such a go-getter this year. Once he thought of something, he’d go for it. Did he get yes all the time? No. But he got yes’s when it mattered. He reminds me everyday of the kind of life I could live if I could just apply myself. One of the songs he kept singing to me was “Choose yourself. Be selfish” and it was solid advise cos the few times I did, good stuff happened. I really love you Debola and I hope to see you soon🥹🥹🥹
Iyanu is everything. My friendship with Iyanu this year deepened. We were there for each other in ways we’d never been. We would stay up late talking or get up early talking. We had all kinds of conversations; all kinds. Also, I was her sound board. And I really liked that about our relationship. My opinion matters to her.
“Debola. I need office shoes. Which ones should I get? Where can I buy them?”
I didn’t get to spend as much time with her in person as I’d like to because she’s a busy woman 😂😂😂 but I loved the few moments we got together.
Busayo has been married for about a year now and the only thing that has changed is that I moved to the island. All our banters still go smoothly. We gist, laugh, and just talk about life as a single girl and life as a married girl. She prays for me and takes her time to listen to all my rants. She is still mad at me for not yet coming to her new home to visit and I’m looking forward to rectifying that in the coming year.
My Family
My mom, dad and sisters had our best year together. We had a complicated relationship growing up and we’ve been healing it for a while now. This year, we got closer than we’d ever been. We were there for each other in ways we’d never been. My mom came to my house weeks after my breakup to cook and clean for me. She kept asking for months if I was good. My dad was in the picture a lot more than he had been this year. Though I didn’t need him as much as I did when I was a child; it was finally freeing to see him show up and show up good. My sisters sent me money this year. They finally see me as the last born that I am. My inner child healed well this year.
My Friends
I won’t mention names so I don’t forget people. From my workout buddies (Tunji, Lizzie and Morgan) to my career buddies (una know yourselves), to my gist partners, to those we talk once in a month and the once-in-a-quarter group, thank you. You all said or did one thing that helped me get through each day this year. Thank you guys over and over again.
Online Friends
These people would always text or DM. They’ll check in, send an email. It was a joy to see people I met online care about me as much. My IG followers are the real Gs. An unexpected “I hope you’re doing great wherever you are” goes a long way. Thank you guys for checking on me, being patient with me and always being so sweet.
Things I’m Taking Into 2024
- Find your dreams. If you can’t find them, dream new ones.
- Be like Debola. He thinks it. He does it. Get stuff done.
- Take risks. The life I fantasize about won’t just drop on my laps conveniently.
- Processes will save you time and energy. Build processes around your life and your work.
- Do better with your money. It’s not like you have a lot of it😏😏
- You have a million chances to reinvent yourself. Take them all.
- Enjoy your life. YOLO.
I’m not entirely excited about 2024 because it’s my re-invention year. I could be switching careers. More applications are going out (like the no’s from 2023 aren’t enough 😂😂😂😂). I’m in my coulda-woulda-shoulda era and the truth is, it’s not the safest place to be. But, we go again.
Happy New Year guys!
